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Caesar's Messiah
CHAPTER 9
The Authors of the New Testament
Josephus concludes War of the Jews with a series of passages that, I
believe, lampoon the Apostle Paul as well as create a puzzle that
identifies the inventors of Christianity. It struck me as logical for the
authors to have concluded their work with a passage that identifies
them — quite in keeping with the spirit of malicious playfulness that
runs through their entire composition.
I present the first of these passages below. This passage
describes a group of Sicarii who escape into Egypt. Once there, they
find themselves rebuked by "Jews of reputation" who inform the
Romans of their presence in Egypt. The Sicarii are captured and then
tortured in an attempt to make them "confess that Caesar was their
lord," which they refuse to do. Their children also refuse to "name
Caesar for their lord," in spite of their also being tortured. Thus, the
passage clearly presents an unsolved problem for Titus: how to make
the rebellious Jews call him, "Lord."
WHEN Masada was thus taken, the general left a garrison
in the fortress to keep it, and he himself went away to
Cesarea; for there were now no enemies left in the country,
but it was all overthrown by so long a war. Yet did this war
afford disturbances and dangerous disorders even in places
very far remote from Judea; for still it came to pass that
many Jews were slain at Alexandria in Egypt; for as many of
the Sicarii as were able to fly thither, out of the seditious
wars in Judea, were not content to have saved themselves,
but must needs be undertaking to make new disturbances,
and persuaded many of those that entertained them to
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206 Caesar's Messiah
assert their liberty, to esteem the Romans to be no better
than themselves, and to look upon God as their only Lord
and Master. But when part of the Jews of reputation opposed
them, they slew some of them, and with the others they
were very pressing in their exhortations to revolt from the
Romans; but when the principal men of the senate saw
what madness they were come to, they thought it no longer
safe for themselves to overlook them. So they got all the
Jews together to an assembly, and accused the madness of
the Sicarii, and demonstrated that they had been the
authors of all the evils that had come upon them. They said
also that "these men, now they were run away from Judea,
having no sure hope of escaping, because as soon as ever
they shall be known, they will be soon destroyed by the
Romans, they come hither and fill us full of those calamities which belong to them, while we have not been partakers
with them in any of their sins." Accordingly, they exhorted
the multitude to have a care, lest they should be brought to
destruction by their means, and to make their apology to
the Romans for what had been done, by delivering these
men up to them; who being thus apprised of the greatness
of the danger they were in, complied with what was proposed,
and ran with great violence upon the Sicarii, and seized upon
them; and indeed six hundred of them were caught immediately: but as to all those that fled into Egypt and to the
Egyptian Thebes, it was not long ere they were caught also,
and brought back, whose courage, or whether we ought to
call it madness, or hardiness in their opinions, every body
was amazed at. For when all sorts of torments and vexations of their bodies that could be devised were made use
of to them, they could not get any one of them to comply so
far as to confess, or seem to confess, that Caesar was their
lord; but they preserved their own opinion, in spite of all the
distress they were brought to, as if they received these torments and the fire itself with bodies insensible of pain, and
with a soul that in a manner rejoiced under them. But what
was most of all astonishing to the beholders was the
courage of the children; for not one of these children was
so far overcome by these torments, as to name Caesar for
The Authors of the New Testament 207
their lord. So far does the strength of the courage [of the
soul] prevail over the weakness of the body.
The most basic "joke" of Christianity is that by replacing the
Jewish "God" and "Son of God" with a "son of god" and a "god" who
were in fact Roman emperors, it was possible to have the followers
of their new religion "name Caesar for their lord" without their
knowing it. The passage above explains why Titus invented Christianity. Even torture could not bring the Sicarii to call him "Lord."
Therefore, they had to be fooled into doing it.
Continuing with the passage:
Now Lupus did then govern Alexandria, who presently sent
Caesar word of this commotion; who having in suspicion
the restless temper of the Jews for innovation, and being
afraid lest they should get together again, and persuade
some others to join with them, gave orders to Lupus to
demolish that Jewish temple which was in the region called
Onion, and was in Egypt, which was built and had its
denomination from the occasion following: Onias, the son
of Simon, one of the Jewish high priests, fled from Antiochus the king of Syria, when he made war with the Jews,
and came to Alexandria; and as Ptolemy received him very
kindly, on account of hatred to Antiochus, he assured him,
that if he would comply with his proposal, he would bring all
the Jews to his assistance; and when the king agreed to do
it so far as he was able, he desired him to give him leave to
build a temple some where in Egypt, and to worship God
according to the customs of his own country; for that the
Jews would then be so much readier to fight against Antiochus, who had laid waste the temple at Jerusalem, and
that they would then come to him with greater good-will;
and that, by granting them liberty of conscience, very many
of them would come over to him. 141
The passage continues with a description of the "Jewish temple,
which was in the region called Onion, and was in Egypt." Josephus,
in a digression, nonchalantly points out that the temple is the one
envisioned 600 years previously by the prophet Isaiah. This is
208 Caesar's Messiah
another example of Josephus' manipulating Jewish prophecy to
coincide with Titus' campaign.
So Ptolemy complied with his proposals, and gave him a
place one hundred and eighty furlongs distant from Memphis. That Nomos was called the Nomos of Hello polls,
where Onias built a fortress and a temple, not like to that at
Jerusalem, but such as resembled a tower. He built it of
large stones to the height of sixty cubits; he made the
structure of the altar in imitation of that in our own country,
and in like manner adorned with gifts, excepting the make
of the candlestick, for he did not make a candlestick, but
had a [single] lamp hammered out of a piece of gold, which
illuminated the place with its rays, and which he hung by a
chain of gold; but the entire temple was encompassed with
a wall of burnt brick, though it had gates of stone. The king
also gave him a large country for a revenue in money, that
both the priests might have a plentiful provision made for
them, and that God might have great abundance of what
things were necessary for his worship. Yet did not Onias do
this out of a sober disposition, but he had a mind to contend
with the Jews at Jerusalem, and could not forget the indignation he had for being banished thence. Accordingly, he
thought that by building this temple he should draw away a
great number from them to himself. There had been also a
certain ancient prediction made by [a prophet] whose name
was Isaiah, about six hundred years before that this temple
should be built by a man that was a Jew in Egypt. And this
is the history of the building of that temple.
The prophecy that Josephus is referring to is contained in Isaiah
19:18-25. Josephus is clearly intending that the "intelligent reader"
understand that the events he described in the passage demonstrate
that Isaiah's prophecy had "come to pass." In the passage above,
Josephus describes a "city of destruction in the land of Egypt," this
being Alexandria, paralleling Isaiah's prophecy. Josephus, again par-
alleling Isaiah, describes the temple as being "pillar" shaped. Fur-
ther, the political conditions of the region at the time can clearly be
seen as those that were envisioned by Isaiah's prophecy, in that there
The Authors of the New Testament 209
was a "highway out of Egypt to Assyria." Which is to say that Israel
was now a "highway" between Assyria and Egypt, in that it had
become a geographical link within the Roman Empire. This idea is
especially clear when one considers that the three Roman legions
that participated in the destruction of Jerusalem were the XV Apollinaris Legion from Alexandria (Egypt) and the V Macedonica and X
Fretensis Legions from Syria.
So Josephus seems correct in his assertion that Isaiah's prophecy
has "come to pass," with the events that he describes in the passage.
The reader will notice, however, that Isaiah's prophecy is also messianic. It states that the Lord shall send a "savior" who shall "smite"
and "heal." The passage also states that the "Lord" shall "be known
to Egypt," and that Israel shall be the "Lord's inheritance."
There cannot be any doubt about who Josephus indicates is the
"savior" that Isaiah's prophecy refers to. In fact, at this point in history, the only individual who could have been the savior foreseen by
Isaiah's prophecy is Titus. Only Titus could claim that he had Israel
as an "inheritance" at this time.
Caesar (Titus) gave order that all Judea should be exposed
for sale; for he did not found any city there but reserved the
whole country for himself. 142
Therefore, Josephus is disclosing that Titus is the Savior, or the
Messiah, by his unspoken contention that Isaiah's prophecy has
come to pass. The prophecy of Isaiah that Josephus uses to identify
Titus as the Savior is as follows.
In that day shall five cities in the land of Egypt speak the
language of Canaan, and swear to the Lord of hosts; one
shall be called, The city of destruction.
In that day shall there be an altar to the Lord in the
midst of the land of Egypt, and a pillar at the border thereof
to the Lord.
And it shall be for a sign and for a witness unto the
Lord of hosts in the land of Egypt: for they shall cry unto the
Lord because of the oppressors, and he shall send them a
saviour, and a great one, and he shall deliver them.
210 Caesar's Messiah
And the Lord shall be known to Egypt, and the Egyptians shall know the Lord in that day, and shall do sacrifice
and oblation; yea, they shall vow a vow unto the Lord, and
perform it.
And the Lord shall smite Egypt: he shall smite and heal
it: and they shall return even to the Lord, and he shall be
intreated of them, and shall heal them.
In that day shall there be a highway out of Egypt to
Assyria, and the Assyrian shall come into Egypt, and the
Egyptian into Assyria, and the Egyptians shall serve with
the Assyrians.
In that day shall Israel be the third with Egypt and with
Assyria, even a blessing in the midst of the land:
Whom the Lord of hosts shall bless, saying, Blessed be
Egypt my people, and Assyria the work of my hands, and
Israel mine inheritance.
Isaiah 19:18-25
The "highway out of Egypt" that Josephus is alluding to by conjuring up Isaiah's vision is a "fulfillment" of another New Testament
prophecy, the "highway for the Lord." This highway is foreseen by
John the Baptist, who quotes another passage from Isaiah:
The voice of one crying in the wilderness: Prepare the way of
the Lord; make straight in the desert a highway for the Lord.
Isaiah 40:3
Though John the Baptist's statement regarding making a "highway for the Lord" has always been seen as envisioning Jesus, the passage from Isaiah that John is quoting from indicates that the "highway" will exist only after the "warfare has ended." Therefore, the
"Lord" John is predicting could only be Titus.
"Comfort, O comfort My people," says your God. "Speak
kindly to Jerusalem; And call out to her, that her warfare
has ended, That her iniquity has been removed, That she
has received of the Lord's hand Double for all her sins."
The voice of one crying in the wilderness: Prepare the
way of the Lord; make straight in the desert a highway for
the Lord.
Isaiah 40:1-3
The Authors of the New Testament 2 1 1
Josephus' narration then moves on and, in a sequence parallel
to one in the New Testament, introduces a Paul, "Paulinus," at the
same point that the New Testament introduces its Paul. This Paul,
like his counterpart in the New Testament, has an impact on
Judaism. Josephus states that he made the Jewish temple "entirely
inaccessible." I regard the passage describing "Paulinus" as an obvious spoof on the Apostle Paul.
And now Lupus, the governor of Alexandria, upon the
receipt of Caesar's Letter, came to the temple, and carried
out of it some of the donations dedicated thereto, and shut
up the temple itself. And as Lupus died a little afterward,
Paulinus succeeded him. This man left none of those donations there, and threatened the priests severely if they did
not bring them all out; nor did he permit any who were
desirous of worshipping God there so much as to come
near the whole sacred place; but when he had shut up the
gates, he made it entirely inaccessible, insomuch that there
remained no longer the least footsteps of any Divine worship that had been in that place. Now the duration of the
time from the building of this temple till it was shut up
again was three hundred and forty-three years.
PARALLEL PASSAGES ABOUT PAUL
JOSEPHUS
Afterward, Paul(inus) succeeded
him. This man left none of those
donations there, and threatened the
priests severely if they did not bring
them all out; nor did he permit any
who were desirous of worshiping
God there so much as to come near
the whole sacred place; but when he
had shut up the gates, he made it entirely inaccessible. (War 7, 10, 2)
BOOK OF ACTS
I came to bring donations (Acts
24:17)
this is the man who is teaching
everywhere against our people, our
law and this place. . .they seized
Paul and dragged him out of the
temple, and immediately the doors
were shut (Acts 21:28-30)
212 Caesar's Messiah
The spoof of Paul is interesting in that it brings up the question
of when the different pieces of the New Testament were written.
While it is possible that there were earlier versions of the New Testament, at some point the four Gospels were unified into their present comic whole. Someone with editorial control manipulated the
New Testament and War of the Jews into alignment with one another.
In this sense, all of the four Gospels must have been written at the
same time.
Another question this analysis raises is, who maintained control
over the finished product? The authors, having placed veiled revelations as to the religion's real origin in the four Gospels, had to devise
some method to assure that these revelations would not be edited
out by later redactors. For example, if one of the statements of fact
in the different versions of Jesus' resurrections were changed or
omitted, then the combined story would lose its logic. And the same
problem would exist for the other half of this satirical system, the
works of Josephus.
Josephus concludes War of the Jews with the strange tale of a
"Jonathan," one of the Sicarii, and a "Catullus," a Roman governor
who makes a false accusation against Josephus, as well as a "Bernice" and an "Alexander," for starting Jonathan's "innovation."
"Innovation," is the word Josephus uses to describe the religious
sect of the Sicarii because it was a new version, or "innovation" of
Judaism. In effect, the three were falsely accused of making someone
create a new Judaic sect.
Jonathan was clearly a messianic individual who, like Jesus, prevailed with the poor by showing them "signs and apparitions."
Because Jonathan was the name of one the five sons of Matthias
Maccabee, this is another example of the connection that Josephus
draws between that family and the Sicarii. There is also a comic logic
to Josephus' dealing with "Jonathan" at this point in War of the Jews.
As he has already "dealt" with the other four sons of Matthias Maccabee — Eleazar, Simon, Judas, and John — he now concludes his
work with the destruction of the last one, Jonathan.
CONCERNING JONATHAN, ONE OF THE SICARII, THAT
STIRRED UP A SEDITION IN CYRENE, AND WAS A FALSE
ACCUSER [OF THE INNOCENT].
The Authors of the New Testament 213
AND now did the madness of the Sicarii, like a disease,
reach as far as the cities of Cyrene; for one Jonathan, a vile
person, and by trade a weaver, came thither and prevailed
with no small number of the poorer sort to give ear to him;
he also led them into the desert, upon promising them that
he would show them signs and apparitions. And as for the
other Jews of Cyrene, he concealed his knavery from them,
and put tricks upon them; but those of the greatest dignity
among them informed Catullus, the governor of the Libyan
Pentapolis, of his march into the desert, and of the preparations he had made for it. So he sent out after him both
horsemen and footmen, and easily overcame them,
because they were unarmed men; of these many were slain
in the fight, but some were taken alive, and brought to Catullus. As for Jonathan, the head of this plot, he fled away at
that time; but upon a great and very diligent search, which
was made all the country over for him, he was at last taken.
And when he was brought to Catullus, he devised a way
whereby he both escaped punishment himself, and
afforded an occasion to Catullus of doing much mischief;
for he falsely accused the richest men among the Jews, and
said that they had put him upon what he did.
Now Catullus easily admitted of these his calumnies,
and aggravated matters greatly, and made tragical exclamations, that he might also be supposed to have had a
hand in the finishing of the Jewish war. But what was still
harder, he did not only give a too easy belief to his stories,
but he taught the Sicarii to accuse men falsely. He bid this
Jonathan, therefore, to name one Alexander, a Jew (with
whom he had formerly had a quarrel, and openly professed
that he hated him); he also got him to name his wife Bernice, as concerned with him. These two Catullus ordered to
be slain in the first place; nay, after them he caused all the
rich and wealthy Jews to be slain, being no fewer in all than
three thousand. This he thought he might do safely,
because he confiscated their effects, and added them to
Caesar's revenues.
Nay, indeed, lest any Jews that lived elsewhere should
convict him of his villainy, he extended his false accusations
214 Caesar's Messiah
further, and persuaded Jonathan, and certain others that
were caught with him, to bring an accusation of attempts
for innovation against the Jews that were of the best character both at Alexandria and at Rome. One of these, against
whom this treacherous accusation was laid, was Josephus,
the writer of these books. However, this plot, thus contrived
by Catullus, did not succeed according to his hopes; for
though he came himself to Rome, and brought Jonathan
and his companions along with him in bonds, and thought
he should have had no further inquisition made as to those
lies that were forged under his government, or by his
means; yet did Vespasian suspect the matter and made an
inquiry how far it was true. And when he understood that
the accusation laid against the Jews was an unjust one, he
cleared them of the crimes charged upon them, and this on
account of Titus's concern about the matter, and brought a
deserved punishment upon Jonathan; for he was first tormented, and then burnt alive.
But as to Catullus, the emperors were so gentle to him,
that he underwent no severe condemnation at this time; yet
was it not long before he fell into a complicated and almost
incurable distemper, and died miserably. He was not only
afflicted in body, but the distemper in his mind was more
heavy upon him than the other; for he was terribly disturbed, and continually cried out that he saw the ghosts of
those whom he had slain standing before him. Whereupon
he was not able to contain himself, but leaped out of his
bed, as if both torments and fire were brought to him. Thus
temper grew still a great deal worse and worse continually,
and his very entrails were so corroded, that they fell out of
his body, and in that condition he died. Thus he became as
great an instance of Divine Providence as ever was, and
demonstrated that God punishes wicked men. 1 ' 13
The passage creates a puzzle that uses the name-switching technique found in the Decius Mundus puzzle cited earlier to identify
the creators of Christianity. They are the individuals who were
falsely accused by Catullus — Josephus, Bernice, and Alexander. The
The Authors of the New Testament 215
inventors of Christianity have signed their work, so to speak, in the
correct place — at the end of their story.
I believe that the "Bernice" and the "Alexander" in the passage
are easily identified as Titus' mistress Bernice, and either Marcus
Alexander, who actually was Bernice's husband but who died before
the Jewish war, or his brother Tiberius Alexander, Titus' Jewish chief
of staff during the siege of Jerusalem. These individuals had both the
technical knowledge of Judaism and the ethical perspective required
to create Christianity. The New Testament, continuing its parallels
with War of the Jews, mentions in Acts both an Alexander, 144 believed
by most scholars to actually be Tiberius Alexander, and a Bernice.
To recognize that a puzzle exists the reader must, once again,
recognize parallels — in this case, that Catullus and Judas, the identifier of Jesus, share a number of attributes.
The most obvious parallel between the two is that Catullus dies
in the same improbable manner — unknown to medical science — as
Judas. That is, "his very entrails . . . fell out of his body." This is an
exact parallel to the death of Judas. And falling headlong, he burst
asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out. 145
The description of Judas' bowels gushing out does not occur in
the Gospels but in Acts. The event is in the New Testament at this
point to maintain its parallel with the events in to War of the Jews.
The parallel "gut spillers" create another prophecy in Jesus' ministry
that is fulfilled in Titus' campaign.
Judas and Catullus are also parallels in that both of their accusations involve a messianic individual, and neither is true. Josephus,
Bernice, and Alexander certainly did not initiate a religion, or "innovation," led by a Messiah-like member of the Sicarii. They would
have established just the opposite kind of "innovation." Jesus is, of
course, famous for having been innocent. He was certainly not the
type of Sicarii military leader that Pontius Pilate would have needed
to crucify. In fact, Jesus was the exact opposite of such an individual.
The technique establishing that there is a puzzle needing to be
solved is the same one used throughout the New Testament and War
of the Jews — that is, parallels. As with the Decius Mundus puzzle,
unusual parallels between characters invite the reader to seek an
explanation. But to solve the puzzle that the parallels create, the
216 Caesar's Messiah
reader must step out of the surface narrative and into another per-
spective. The reader has to relate to the text from a broad rather than
a narrow perspective and has to be prepared to think the "unthinkable," to seek a solution that is outside the flow of information provided by the surface narration.
I would note that the satirical system that unites the New Testament and War of the Jews can be seen as an exercise in mind expansion, in that to solve the puzzles the reader must learn to think "outside the box," so to speak. The authors were making the point that
the narrow focus the Sicarii Zealots maintained regarding only a few
scrolls was a limited and inaccurate mode of thought. The authors
seem to be suggesting that only by seeing all sides of a problem can
the truth be known. Therefore, it is possible that they designed the
New Testament as a tool to intellectually uplift the messianic rebels.
If such was the authors' intention, it only adds to the incredible
nature of the work, which is perhaps more amazing when seen as a
secular psychological device rather than as a world-historical religious work.
Judas falsely accuses Jesus
of being ihe Messiah of the
Sicarii
GUT SP1LLER
Judas truly accuses
Jonathan of being the
Messiah of the Sicarii
UNTHINKABLE
Catullus falsely accuses
Bernice, Alexander and
Josephus of putting up
Jonathan as a false Messiah
GUT SP1LLER
Catullus truly accuses
Bernice, Alexander and
Josephus of putting up
Jesus as a false Messiah
UNTHINKABLE
The puzzle that explains the parallels between Judas and Catullus is designed to turn the two stories from tales that relate what is
The Authors of the New Testament 217
false into tales that state what is true.
To solve the puzzle the reader must simply do as Decius
Mundus recommends in the following chapter and "value not this
business of names." To create the "truth," simply switch the names
of the messiahs. Thus, had Judas named "Jonathan" as the Messiah
who needed to be crucified, and Catullus had accused Josephus, Bernice, and Alexander as having put "Jesus" "up to what he did," both
passages would be transformed into the truth. Jonathan was a Sicarii
messianic leader who, from the perspective of the Romans, deserved
to be crucified, and Jesus had "been put up to what he did" — that is
to say, was created by — Josephus, Bernice, and Alexander.
The fact that the "Alexander" who participated in the plot is
described as Bernice's husband helps us see the subtle point. Because
the Alexander who was Bernice's husband was dead before the war
broke out, it is not Josephus, Bernice, and her late husband who are
being identified here. It is the families of these individuals who
authored the Gospels — the Flavians, Herods, and Alexanders.
I would again note that the authors of the New Testament seem
to be stating that one could not know the truth unless one considers more than one book or scroll. In this case, Acts and War of the
Jews create the parallels. I suspect that the authors are being critical
of the Sicarii Zealots, who believed that they could know the truth
from a very limited set of documents. The authors are presenting a
real-life example of the inaccuracies that occur whenever readers
cannot look beyond the single narrative in front of them.
Josephus concludes War of the Jews with the following paragraph. He was insistent that he wrote the truth "after what manner
this war of the Romans with the Jews was managed."
And here we shall put an end to this our history; wherein we
formerly promised to deliver the same with all accuracy, to
such as should be desirous of understanding after what
manner this war of the Romans with the Jews was managed. Of which history, how good the style is, must be left to
the determination of the readers; but as for its agreement
with the facts, I shall not scruple to say, and that boldly, that
truth hath been what I have alone aimed at through its
entire composition. 146
2 1 8 Caesar's Messiah
Josephus, like the Apostle Paul, reminds the reader over and
over that he is writing the "truth." Perhaps this is one of the reasons
the authors of the New Testament and the works of Josephus create
the elaborate system by which their authorship of Christianity could
be known. They did not wish those in the future, who would one
day discover the truth, to think of them as liars.
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